he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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