Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
