I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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