I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.