Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag