She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.