i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.