Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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