I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.