so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.