I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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