New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
