I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
