Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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