he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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