I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize