i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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