I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
