Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
