Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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