i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
