I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want to be your penis for a week.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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