Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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