i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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