My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
