nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
