it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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