it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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