wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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