My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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