needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
