you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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