You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
