She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
