Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
