There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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