I'm lost and stupid without you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
