Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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