I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
