your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
