she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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