It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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