Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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