My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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