hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
