You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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