I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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