I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
