I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
