i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
