my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
