I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
