haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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