i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
