This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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