i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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