i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
