Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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