New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
