The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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