Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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