I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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