That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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