i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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