I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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