He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
