Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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