The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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