Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
