And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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