Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
