so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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