I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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