it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
