Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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