The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
