ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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