today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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