Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
