How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
