I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
