Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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