I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
