Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
