We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
